The Cheeposoft Values - 2

Aardvark – VP, Software development
Brain Storming session at XYZ –Cheeposoft...continued...

Aardvark: I had called you all here to brainstorm on ways of reducing our alarming attrition rate. I have got nothing except fatuous suggestions like improving working conditions and increasing pay. Frankly, I expected nothing better from a bunch of nincompoops, that is why I came prepared with my own ideas.

Cyborg: You are right, sir! Management knows best!

Aardvark: That’s true. That is why we are managers. Now this is my proposal: We all know and love our glorious Cheeposoft Values. We carry it on the back of our doggy tags. It is on all the walls and screensavers. We sing it in the morning at assembly. I propose to add a new value. “Cheeposoft is an Awesome Place To Work!”. APTW is the official acronym.

Eric: APTW? Doesn’t that mean ‘Awful Place To Work?’

Aardvark: I heard that, Eric. I think it is time to have an out of turn performance appraisal.

Pustule: Oh God! Does that mean we have to carry new APTW doggy tags? I am already feeling like a pet poodle with all the doggy tags around my neck.

Aardvark: I think we need to appraise your performance as well, Pustule.

Gwen: If I understand you correctly, Mr. Aardvark, if you add APTW to the list of Corporate Values, it will actually make this place a better place to work?

Aardvark: But you don’t understand…we will soon be handing out shiny new APTW doggy tags. There will be APTW posters all over the place. The coffee dispenser will sing the APTW tune when you get a cup. When we meet on the corridors, we will give each other high-five’s and shout “APTW”. Otherwise we will be sacked. We will put APTW in all our PowerPoint slides….

Eric: Oh-me-God!

Gwen: I repeat…and you think this will make it a better place to work?

Eric: It sounds like a scenario from hell.

Pustule: I am already getting whiplash marks on my neck from the doggy tags we already have to wear.

Aardvark: Well, if it doesn’t make you feel better, it means you are not upholding the Corporate Values. It means you are not a model corporate citizen. It will reflect in your annual performance appraisal.

Eric: And the repercussion will be…what?

Aardvark: You will be fired of course!

Eric: Umm…and add to the 10 people a month who are already leaving?

Continued on Wednesday….
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