The Schizo Project - 3

Eric - King amongst Coders (self appointed)
Cyril Borg (Cyborg) – Frenzied project manager
GSM Disintegrators Inc - Glutinous Sucking Monster, customer from hell
Aardvark – VP, Software development
The Harbinger of Death- the feared Hotline to GSMDI

Scene1- It is midnight. XYZ-Cheeposoft offices are silent, dark and deserted. But a faint light glows in Aardvark’s cabin. Three dim figures are seen in the light.
(Continued from Sunday…The Glutinous Sucking Monster has XYZ-Cheeposoft in a death grip, and is slowly sucking out the life blood. Can Eric stop them?)


Cyborg : Isn’t there any way we can stop the Glutinous Sucking Monster?

Aardvark : We have been asking ourselves this question for the last 29 years

Cyborg : Is it hopeless, then? Will we all be enslaved by the Glutinous Sucking Monster until we die?

Eric : You can’t escape even in death. I am told they bring back dead programmers to life using Ouija boards and neuro-cybernetics. Then they put them back to work for the Schizo project. The basement is full of zombies. That is why it is always locked, and you need special security access to go there.

Aardvark is silent and stone faced.

Cyborg : (gulping) You mean, our souls are doomed?

Aardvark : There is a way…if we can just somehow make a Schizo release so fast, that technology does not progress in the meantime, and get them to sign the project closure before it advances again….

Cyborg : I don’t know…that sounds kind of impossible.

Aardvark : Maybe we have achieved it with this release?

Cyborg and Aardvark look at Eric hopefully.

Cyborg : Have we?

Aardvark : Will 1.199997b be the historic final release?

Eric : (confidently) It will!

Aardvark : You mean because of your programmers instincts? I wish we had something more to bank on than the tingling in your carpel tunnels.

Eric : There is something more….

Aardvark : Yes?

Eric : I packed a Geek Grip T-shirt for their project manager with the Schizo release CD

Cyborg : Genius!!

Aardvark : My dear boy, if you pull this off, I’ll make you the VP of Software Quality.

Eric : Is that a threat or a promise?

The Harbinger of Death: ka-trinnnnngggg!!!

Cyborg : Oh God!!

Aardvark : You take it. I have a heart condition.

Eric : Hello?

Listens for some time. Puts the phone down and buries his face in his hands. Blubbers softly.

Aardvark : Good Lord! What happened?

Cyborg : Tell us, Eric!!

Eric : They are rejecting the release
…..they want us to add the toasters to the database.

Aardvark : Oh My God!!!

Eric : And the T-shirt….

Cyborg : Yes…?

Eric : It was one size too small….

© Poltu