As a citizen of some weight and girth, these are some fundamental facts you should keep in mind:-
Fat is GOOD for you.(1)
Fat gives you an electric and magnetic personality (2)
Fat saves you from labial injury, BO and cancer (3)
Fat is good for your arteries (4)
Fat is good for national security (5)
Explanatory Notes:-
(1) Here is a mathematical proof:
Beer makes you fat. Beer is GOOD for you (refer previous chapter: Beer101: the fundamentals of Beer). QED: Fat is GOOD for you.
(2) Fat is an Insulator. It says so in the Biology book. At least, it did the last time I read it. Insulation is what you put on a live wire. A live wire is one that carries an electric current. If you warp a wire carrying an electric current around a metal rod, it creates a magnetic field. At least, it says so in the Physics book. I wouldn’t know- I bunked Physics lab. If you take your Biology book and Physics book and soak them in water a few days, you get papier-mâché. Papier-mâché can be used for making decorative pieces for your sitting room. Not that it is relevant.
(3) Are you disturbed your lips don’t reach your spouses when you embrace? Does the tum-tum get in the way of the passionate hug? Ask yourself this: do you really want that kiss to be consummated? How do you know she doesn’t have BO? What if she bites? Did you know that lipstick is carcinogenic? You know…you are better off just keeping her at belly’s length.
(4) Roman Gladiators were all fat people. Don’t believe me? Read the history books. What’s a book? Oh…you are one of those Gen-whatever kids, are you? OK watch the BBC series on the Roman Empire on YouTube. They actually ate fattening foods on purpose – the extra layer of fat shielded them from minor sword slashes- it prevented muscles and arteries from getting cut. Think about it. This is a comforting piece of information to have, next time you get caught in a sword fight.
(5) People are sad. They laugh at the strangest things. They find it funny when someone sits on a thumb tack. Someone else. They laugh at fat people. But in a way it is good. Laughter is good for people. It reduces stress. Reduced stress lowers the risk of heart attacks, diabetes, and varicose veins. On a national scale, this means less budgetary allocation for public health and more for truly useful stuff like battle tanks and warships.
